Single mom by choice: what to know before you decide

You have been waiting for the right person. For years. You have dated, hoped, adjusted your expectations and hoped again. And somewhere in the middle of all that waiting, a different question surfaced. A quieter one. What if the right person is not coming? What if I do not need them to?

Becoming a mother without a partner is no longer a fringe decision. It is a considered, deliberate choice that a growing number of women in the United States are making, often after years of careful thought, with more resources, more research and more support than previous generations had access to.

A single mother by choice (SMC), also called a solo mother, is a woman who intentionally decides to have or adopt a child without a partner, typically through donor insemination, egg donation, embryo adoption or agency adoption. A 2025 systematic review published in PMC, which analysed 26 studies and the largest body of research on SMCs to date, found that these women are typically well-educated, financially independent and in their late 30s. Motherhood is a long-standing personal goal, pursued independently due to the absence of a suitable partner or concerns about declining fertility. The decision, the researchers noted, is portrayed as both pragmatic and empowered, reflecting broader societal shifts in how American families are formed.

How common is this?

The numbers are significant and growing. According to US Census Bureau data, 41% of American mothers are single women, either by choice or circumstance. The proportion choosing intentional solo parenthood is rising sharply, driven by fertility technology, changing social norms and the decoupling of marriage and parenthood that has accelerated since the millennial generation.

A 2025 survey found that when asked to describe the modern single mother, 24% of men and 30% of women chose the word "courageous." Cultural attitudes have shifted. The stigma has not disappeared, but it has diminished enough that it is no longer the primary barrier for most women who are seriously considering this path.

The routes to solo motherhood

The right route depends on your age, health, finances, timeline and personal values. Most reproductive endocrinologists recommend consultation in your early to mid-30s to understand your options before urgency drives the decision.

What the research says about children in SMC families

This is the question most women ask first, and the research is clearer than many people expect.

A longitudinal study by Golombok and colleagues, published in PMC, compared 44 single mothers by choice with 37 partnered mothers, all with donor-conceived children. The findings were consistent across two developmental phases: children of single mothers by choice were just as well-adjusted as children in two-parent households. Teachers, mothers and psychiatric raters all assessed similar outcomes on standardised measures.

Interestingly, solo mothers reported fewer mother-child conflicts than partnered mothers. The researchers suggested that women who intentionally choose solo parenthood may bring a different mindset to family life, one less burdened by unresolved fertility stress or partner dynamics.

"The intention to be a single parent contributes to positive mother-child relationships and, consequently, to positive child outcomes. Children born by donor insemination to single mothers by choice are extremely wanted children whose mothers went to great lengths to conceive them." - PMC (2016, updated analysis 2025)

What matters most for child outcomes is not family structure. It is the quality of the relationship, the stability of the environment and the mother's own mental health and wellbeing.

The real questions to ask yourself

These are not questions with right or wrong answers. They are the ones that deserve serious time before you decide.

Financial:

• Can I cover fertility treatment costs, or do I have insurance coverage that applies?
• What does my childcare budget look like as a sole earner?
• Do I have an emergency fund that can absorb unexpected costs without destabilising my household?
• If I need time off for a sick child, maternity leave or a medical complication, how does that affect my income?

Our guide to childcare costs and career decisions breaks down the long-term financial maths that most women miss when making this calculation.

Support network:

• Do I have people around me who can help in a practical, showing-up way, not just a supportive-in-theory way?
• Am I prepared to be the only person responsible for every decision, every night, every illness?
• Do I have or can I build a community of other solo mothers or single parents?

Emotional:

• Have I genuinely processed the grief of not having the partnership I wanted, or am I skipping over it?
• How do I feel about explaining donor conception or adoption to a child?
• What do I want to say when my child asks about their father?

Timing:

• If using donor insemination, have I had a fertility assessment to understand my current ovarian reserve?
• Am I making this decision from a place of clarity, or from fear that I am running out of time?

Single mom by choice vs single mom by circumstance

These two categories are often grouped together, but the experience differs in important ways.

The research distinction matters because much of the public conversation about single motherhood conflates these two very different paths. The risk factors associated with unplanned single parenthood, including economic hardship and maternal psychological distress, are not the same risk factors for intentional solo mothers who planned and prepared.

What nobody tells you before you decide

The loneliness is not what you expect. Not the logistical loneliness of handling everything alone, which you have probably thought about. The specific loneliness of having no one to look at across the room when your child does something extraordinary.

That is real. It is also manageable. It is what community is for. Solo mothers consistently describe their social networks as one of the most important investments they made before becoming parents.

If you are already navigating single parenthood and looking for practical resources, our financial help guide for single moms covers every major US programme, and our honest piece on single parenting realities addresses the emotional truths that most guides skip.

And if the identity shift of becoming a mother is something you want to understand before it happens, matrescence is the framework that names what most new mothers experience, whether they have a partner or not.

Key takeaways

• Single mothers by choice are typically well-educated, financially independent women in their late 30s who have considered their decision carefully, according to a 2025 PMC systematic review of 26 studies.
• Children of intentional solo mothers show outcomes equivalent to children in two-parent families on standardised measures of psychological adjustment, behaviour and academic performance.
• The decision has four practical pillars: financial stability, a strong support network, emotional readiness and fertility timing. Missing any of these significantly changes the experience.
• Single mom by choice is not the same as single mom by circumstance. The risk factors, experiences and research outcomes differ substantially between the two paths.
• Community is the most underrated preparation. Before the baby, build the network. It matters more than the nursery.

Sources and further reading

• PMC. (2025). A systematic review on the demographics, motivations and experiences of single mothers by choice. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
• Golombok, S. et al. (2016, updated). Single mothers by choice: mother-child relationships and children's psychological adjustment. PMC. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
• Golombok, S. et al. (2021). Single mothers by choice: parenting and child adjustment in middle childhood. PMC. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
• Cofertility. (2025). How does single motherhood by choice impact kids? cofertility.com
• Single Mother Guide. (2025). Statistics for single mothers. singlemotherguide.com
• US Census Bureau. (2024). America's families and living arrangements.